Thursday, March 10, 2011

His will not mine

"I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy and steadfast love, because You have seen my affliction, You have taken note of my life’s distresses" Psalm 31:7 Amplified
New Living translation "For you care about the anguish of my soul"

Got hit right between the eyes with this last night.

I was having a bit of a "why me God? Why not me God?" whinge to Him. Not questioning His reasons or His ways, just asking "why?" "why not?"

Bit of soul baring and secret revealing from this blogging Ruby-girl, putting it all out in public, but here goes....
Hubby and I have been on the infertility round-a-bout for a few years now. He has 3 older kids from his 1st marriage, I have 2 from mine and we love and adore them all dearly, we know that they are all amazing blessings and all 5 of them mean the world to us.
But we've been unable to have one of our own.
We've watched as people we know have had planned and unplanned pregnancies and rejoiced with them hoping that it will be our turn next for a "suprise" but it hasn't been.
We did the emotionally, physically and financially draining journey down the IVF road last year - unsuccessfully.
I met a woman in the waiting room having an embryo transfer the same day as me - 4 months later she happened into my work glowing with a pregnant bloom, while all my embryos had gone to heaven.
Someone very close to me was going through IVF at the same time as us and we shared phone calls and hormonal chats together - she is due in 4 weeks which means that we would have been due this week......

Oh my aching heart.

Last night I had a bit of a whinge, "Why not God? Why didn't ours work? Why?"
I spoke with a dear friend of mine today who, this week, has had her 3rd miscarriage.
"Why God?"

I don't know why. He knows
I don't understand His ways. His ways are higher
I only know what He told me last night;
He takes note of my lifes distresses, He cares about the anguish of my soul

I will be glad and rejoice in His mercy and steadfast love.
I will trust Him, at all times, whether or not I have the answers to "why God?"

7 comments:

  1. Amen! What an honest and encouraging post.....so easy to say that when all is well but to live it when things are not as we want - that's true faith......much grace to you and yours as you walk this path. xx

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  2. Aw hon, this brought a tear to my eye...I kinda know how you feel...our littlest man is a result of IVF and through our journey we experienced the heartache of many of our friends who were unsuccessful.
    Big hugs
    xx

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  3. Oh my Beautiful Friend!
    Your Worship is true, strong & brave.
    So very proud of you,
    thank you for sharing & for shining light to others.
    It is an honour to walk alongside you my girl.
    Love you xx

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  4. Oh Linda...You're heart is right before Him and He sees that!
    Love you to bits and as Peach said, it's an honour to walk with you!
    Love xx

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  5. Why God???? I don't think it is wrong to ask that but we do need to be content that we are in "His Will" to be able to press on. Thanks for sharing...will hold you in my prayers.

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  6. Thank you so much friends,

    Bron, you have been in my thoughts this week especially.

    Xxx

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  7. I love you beautiful friend.
    You are brave, loyal, and totally sold out to Jesus, and I admire that steadfastness in you more than you know.
    You are amazing, and I love that you are sharing your story!!
    xxxx

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